twothousandandfive.

i realise i haven't been blogging properly these days, so this will probably be a better read than random song lyrics and whatnot. haha :)

i cannot sum up this year in one generic word. like awesome. or horrendous. or weird. that would prove to be too difficult, because of the myriad emotions that are evoked whenever i look back at the year gone by.

this year, i moved to a new country, experienced unadulterated freedom, gained independence, and learnt to stand on my own two feet. i enjoyed my course in monash, made wonderful new friends, fell in love, went to church, joined a cell group for the first time, and experienced God in more ways than one. i learnt how to use the washing machine (!!), dryer, and microwave; mastered the skill of making batter for our fish fillets (haha), cooked pasta in bulk, and ate sandwiches and indomee everyday till i got sick of them. i remain ashamed of my subpar culinary and ironing skills, but i loved the feeling of being able to take care of myself, of truly growing up, and being self-reliant. even if i was no bree van de kemp.

of course, it wasn't always rainbows and butterflies. things that went awry, things which are too painful to mention here, things which turned my life into a living nightmare.. all these unpleasant things remind me of how much i still have to grow, how much stronger i need to be, and how much more there is to look forward to next year.

above all, i thank God for all His provisions. i thank Him for putting important people in my life, for bringing me closer to Him, for every single miracle, blessing and hope He has given me.

exciting, glorious, wonderful, wild, painful, miserable, hilarious, nerve-racking, slothful, romantic, exhilarating, fun-filled, competitive.. the list goes on. for the fond memories, i relished every single moment of it. for the nightmares and hurt, i can only hope that i will never have to relive them again.

at present i suppose things are not as rosy as i would have liked. but i am so glad for a special, wonderful person in my life, who tries so hard to comfort me, tide me through tough times, and who tries so hard to make me happy. thank you for being here for me :) ilu*

owell, have a blessed new year y'all.

Wonderful :: Everclear

I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them
*
Promises mean everything when you're little
And the world's so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now.

my bounty is as boundless as the sea,
my love as deep; the more i give to thee
the more i have; for both are infinite.

- William Shakespeare, Romeo & Juliet


nobody gonna love me better
i must stick with you forever.
nobody gonna take me higher
i must stick with you.

i have this urge to run as far as my legs will carry me.
like, you know, forrest gump.
the question is not how.
it's when.

i love blogging- it's my catharsis.
rantrantrantrantrant.
i feel better already. haha.

*

i received your card today.
couldn't have come in at a better time.
thanks for the heartwarming words.
thank you addie. love always. <3

just because it's x'mas eve.

Seven things you fear:
1. losing loved ones
2. spiritual and physical isolation
3. being made use of
4. being taken for granted
5. betrayal
6. heights
7. cockroaches (flying or not)

Seven things that make you laugh:
1. lame jokes
2. fat babies waddling about
3. little britain
4. tupsumbong! :)
5. the videoclip on gait
6. kids say the darndest things
7. the hitman diaries by danny king

Seven people that make you laugh:
1. nick
2. robin
3. my brother
4. mr. bean
5. JA & Simon
6. wayne hodgson
7. russell peters

Seven things you love doing:
1. spending time with loved ones
2. worshipping God
3. playing basktball, or sports in general
4. reading
5. shopping (even if it's window)
6. eating
7. baking (i try. HAHA)

Seven things you hate/dislike strongly:
1. betrayal
2. failing to meet expectations
3. divorce
4. arguments
5. child & animal abuse, rape
6. cucumber & eggplant, ugh :/
7. getting fat :(

Seven things on your desk:
1. laptop
2. mobile phone
3. biscuit wrapper
4. pringles
5. library book
6. scotch tape
7. wrapping paper

Right now you are:
1. typing away on the laptop
2. snacking on chips
3. reading as the crow flies
4. talking to my brother
5. wearing my old and tatty school t-shirt
6. wondering when the rain will stop
7. wondering what nick is doing

Seven facts about you:
1. i am really a sloth in disguise
2. i have a shoe fetish
3. x'mas is my favourite holiday of the year
4. i cry easily
5. i love dark chocolate
6. i get excited at buying stationery and notebooks
7. i am happily in love :)

Seven things you plan to do before you die:
1. bring as many people to Christ as possible
2. run a marathon
3. stuff myself with all kinds of delicacies
4. be a good doctor (and be remembered fondly)
5. write a book
6. be truly content with what i have/am given
7. have my own family (3 fat babies and one loving husband)

Seven things you can do:
1. play basketball
2. make people laugh
3. finish whole boxes of shapes, tiny teddy and timtams in a day
4. memorise textbooks HAHA
5. fold leaflets into mini shirts and shoes :)
6. um. some household chores, like sweeping and washing
7. love deeply

Seven (famous) people you want to meet:
1. God
2. allen iverson
3. latrell sprewell
4. um, the french soccer team
5. johnny depp
6. patrick dempsey
7. jamie oliver

Seven movies you watch all the time/Seven favorite movies:
1. forrest gump
2. love actually
3. catch me if you can
4. bean the ultimate disaster movie
5. infernal affairs
6. the little mermaid
7. shrek 1&2

Top 7 things you say the most:
1. hello!
2. maybe yessss, maybe noooo...
3. what the.. (courtesy of sher :P)
4. i'm not saying who, but i think you know him very well
5. huh
6. seriously
7. wahlaooo! (i know, so unglam :/)

I FLIPPING HATE THIS PLACE.

i never thought i would say this, but i really, really hate it here.
i'm beginning to feel like i can never settle down here for good.
i hope i never become one of those singaporean stereotypes.
it's sad really, i'm wishing and hoping that time would whizz by,
so i can go back to melb sooner.
i feel so restricted, oppressed and bored here.
in other words, i feel like a caged bum.
perhaps i won't come home next year.
i'll save the airfare and travel around instead.
well, we'll see.
:/

i'm here for you
always am, and always will.

when the going gets tough
we'll get through it together,
whatever it takes.

you don't have to face it alone
because you've got me,
and i love you.
*

happy fourth! and many more happy days ahead.
thanks for being all i that i'll ever need,
so for now let me be all that you'll ever need.. ok?

more nonsequiteur.

my favourite animals in the world are:
1. fat cats
2. sloths
3. elephants

=D

wake me up before you gogo
'cos i'm not planning on going solo.

one week to x'mas.
i haven't gotten the presents.. gulp. :/
---
my calves ache from skipping.
dad was chef today:
chickenseafood horfun for lunch;
and potatocarrotonion soup with trotters for dinner.
yum :)
i need to learn cooking from dad.. haha.
oh and i have this craving for dark chocolate..
my brother has a stash but he won't let me have it =(

i was just watching gilmore girls re-runs.
sometimes i wish i was like rory gilmore.
that kind of intelligent, pretty, bookwormish (but not nerdy) schoolgirl who puts up harvard posters in her room, who is nice and kind to others, who is not shallow, and not afraid to stand up for herself and for others, and is best friends with her mom.
i like her much better than marissa cooper in the OC.
i think she's probably the kind of girl people would be jealous of but can't really bring themselves to hate.

my posts are getting more and more random,
and meaningless.
but hey, it's my blog.. so.
stuff it. =D

wonderful, wonderful day.
swimming and tanning with the best companion ever. :)
oh, what a life. sun, water and fun.
then it was crystaljade for lunch to fill our hungry tummies.
love the stewed beef and durian pudding.. yum.
my skin's red now, but i hope i'll turn into a nice shade of brown.
then i can say hello to tubetops, halters and spags! haha.
i bought my 4th pair of shoes in 3 weeks, a pair of pants & a halter from bYSi.
satisfying purchases, but sinfulsinfulsinful. :/
savouring my noir chocolate now. with 74% cocoasolids, it's relatively bitter but i love it. it's so cheap too! argh i should have stopped by carrefour to stock up.

ok. off to watch my dancing yoyo show. :)

my internet is driving me crazy. both the wireless and the broadband. i'm this close to banging my head on the wall. gah.

i'm feeling quite lost back home actually. i was just telling kwanyi how i think i've lost touch with most people after leaving jc, and she concurred. like there are some names that constantly pop up in my head, and i want to know where all these people are, or what they're doing now. it seems like all of us are more or less scattered around the globe, doing our own things, having our own lives to lead. i wonder where we'll all be and what we'll be doing ten years down the road. it'd be interesting, for sure.

ok. some shoutouts i should make:
sippy, yuying, flea, sok & yingen! and dawn, sab, moira! go out soon? :)
hey hngwee are you in singapore? pinghan, colin. how's you?
hello gwenda and manda! want to go back to rgs&/rjc sometime?
hey olivia and huizhuan! lunch sometime?
nick tan. wherewherewhere are you! add me on msn if you can. eleanike@hotmail.com thanks.
joanna, are you coming back this hols? jialin, addie and sally! i guess you guys aren't coming back.. are you?
i'm so sorry i have to resort to blogging to reach you guys. i don't have all your numbers so please email me if you can! thanks :)

and to those whom i've forgotten, i'm really really sorry! please email/msg me if you want to meet up, aight? i'll be in singapore till mid feb.

my brother just made me listen to the playback of led zeppelin's stairway to heaven and the eagles' hotel california.
it's seriously creepy. yuck.

ugh. sorry for rambling. i just feel a little fed up. you know, mood swings and all? yeah. ok.
toodles.

i know i'm slow to catch on, but i think november chopin is pretty not bad. i like track3 (sadly i have no idea as to what the names of the songs on the album are) best. :)

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Cor 4:18 [NIV]

ring a bell?

"What is essential is invisible to the eyes." -The Little Prince

i was just reading The Purpose Driven Life today and i saw this verse. it sort of reminded me of that quote from The Little Prince, that being my favourite quote from the book. i like to sift out parallels and i think it must be the influence of having done upper sec lit, but stuff it. now i feel like i am really beginning to understand the things i read in greater depth. =D

Kindness Kindness is most important in a boyfriend/girlfriend. You want someone who will go through everything with you - the best moments and the worst, and all of those other moments in between. You love to be able to say anything to your partner, and have them say anything to you. You are able to be extremely close with your partner for that reason. Take this quiz

yes i'm that bored. but isn't this interesting? i think the results are more or less accurate, although i must confess that the first thing that draws me to a person is his wit and charisma. kindness is an attribute you pick up over a certain period of time, not somthing that you can necessarily observe at first impression. and of course i like lookers although i think appearance is probably the the least important to me, at least in a relationship. and yes haha i do like the romance thing, impractical as it is.

i'm also a chatterbox- a fact nick can attest to- and i love telling him everything and anything (even the most boring, random or much repeated stories.. much to his annoyance haha). i think it's just wonderful to be able to be so close to that special someone.. isn't it? :)

i haven't got much to say actually. i meant to write something meaningful, but i wasn't able to hold that thought. i wanted to write about my week, but i can't seem to remember much. on a random note, i miss melbourne.
*
i woke up really early today, at 545am, to send my brother to school for his race. then we went to little india to have breakfast- prata and milk tea- then we headed home and i slept till noon. dad made some gingko nut dessert and i had that for lunch. think i'll go exercise or jog later if it doesn't rain.

ok. seeing as i'm so bored i'm going to compile my things-to-do-while-i'm-back list:
1. spend time with family & friends
2. comb the island in search of local delights
3. learn to cook [my housemates must be delighted at this :)]
4. do volunteer work
5. plan for easter camp'06
6. visit places of interest
7. lose weight
8. erm ok i ran out of ideas.. :/ sadness.

there are just some things which matter to me, but not to you. there are just some things that you value more than others, but which i accord lesser importance to.
i don't know why i should be this upset.
i know i'm demanding, selfish and impractical to impose such a thought on you. but it also disappoints me that you would be reluctant to go the extra extra mile for me. i just didn't expect an outright no, and it stung. because i knew i would have done the same for you, even if you didn't want me to.

i think my notions of love are probably far too idyllic.
perhaps i'm just being unreasonable. or silly.
i need to learn to be more independent, and shake off the shadows of my previously over-sheltered life. i know i can't always expect others to look out for or take care of me. i don't want to be The-Kid no more.

i dislike it that i'm always so afraid, that i let myself get sad so easily. i dislike it when we argue, i hate disagreeing with you but somehow i can't seem to hold my tongue. but most of all i dislike it that i'm always so naive and silly, for being so idealistic and then hurting myself when i come crashing back into reality. i know, i should listen to my head and not my heart. i would save myself a whole truckload of unnecessary pain if i did.. but i didn't.

i'm sorry for going on and on. i just need an outlet, and i'm sure these emotions will pass.

on to happier things. i caught project runway last night for the first time, and i quite liked it :). iron chef america is good stuff. i just love morimoto- such skill and creativity! (think asparagus ice-cream and chocolate coated asparagus, outrageous innit?) mmm i wish i had cable. then i'd be glued to the food network 24/7. i like watching tv even though i haven't really watched much tv to save my life for the times i've been overseas and eversince i came back. tv is just so brainless and all you do is sit there and stare at the goggle box. minimal thinking required, excellent distraction from the real world. i love tv world.
because on tv everything just seems so perfect..

somehow i can almost hear my head say to my heart, "i told you so!"

ugh my day has gone all awry. i'm this close to
nevermind. i'll just grin and bear it.
just as i always have.

it's a lovely, lovely sunday. am loving the sunshine. i should be in church.. but i'm not. gah. :(

saturday night. tony roma's. ben&jerry's! (yums). with the awesomest person ever. :) caught jem & friends at suntec for awhile. hey jem- if you even read this. don't D&D ever again ok? :P

*

what do you call happiness laced with a tinge of sadness? the feeling of being at peace with the world and being content, yet sensing that apparent incompleteness, that weighs you down.. like a cannonball.
what do they call it.

what does it feel like to love something so much, only to live in eternal fear of losing it? that's not love, is it?

sunday afternoon. a million (redundant) questions racing through my mind. i think i should go read my book instead.


i looked at you
looking at me
now i know why they say the best things are free
angel of mine.

look for the girl with the red cap.

i love this scene from the movie elizabethtown, even though i thought the movie was so-so. i am a sucker for sweet things such as this.
i do like to be swept off my feet once in a while. to have my heart skip a beat, flutter like a falling snowflake, and turn cartwheels. to glow with that i-am-the-happiest-girl-in-the-world kind of contentment.
oops. turning into quite the hopeless romantic there, no? hehe. =D
*
ugh i wish the skies were bright and sunny, not gloomy and dark like now. it has been raining on and off recently and i really dislike the weird weather here. clear skies please! i've been putting my jogging plans on hold for a few days now, thanks to the rain. dang. :/

on a brighter note, it's only one more day till you come back. am missing you muchly. <3