i find it quite tragic, albeit laughable, that sometimes the ones who know you best (or think they know you best), don't understand you at all. it's like even though they know you insideout and leftrightcentre, they can't really put themselves in your shoes and figure out why you feel or behave the way you do. by understanding i don't mean merely comprehending what is said. it's more like reading between the lines, reading what is not said. grasping the meaning behind the things you attach significance to, the things that cannot be easily conveyed. it's not easy. that's why i guess most of us are only entitled to have a few special people around us who can do so. and then you have the total stranger with whom you click in that serendipitous situation, and you suddenly realise that this person shares all your quirkiest absurdest views, and most importantly, is capable of truly empathizing with you. but like i said, encounters of this sort are fortituous and therefore rare. i guess we don't need people to read us like a paperback novel. we don't need anyone to spell out what we already know and feel. maybe what we all need is someone who knows what we need when we say nothing at all. just a realisation. :o * anyways. i love dark chocolate. i love truffles! oh those sinful, tantalising temptations. =D 
i do want to go on a round-the-world foodie hunt when i'm much older. which includes a quest for the best chocolate in the world. then i will make jacque torre's chocolate haven in new york city my first stop. and then to france for their valrhona chocolate. ok i'm daydreaming i know. :)
STEAMY DELIGHT :)
today the fam and i (sans terrence) drove down to turf city for a steamboat buffet! the initial plan was to have high tea someplace in the east but i'm glad we scraped that in favour of healthier food. :) turf city is rather underrated as a food paradise, i think. there were quite a number of food outlets and stalls, leaving us spoilt for choice. but the steamboat buffet there is really value-for-money. we spent less than fifty bucks and went home with bulging, satiated tummies! haha :)  emerson & i foolong around in the car. and thus the photowhoring begins.  at the steamboat place. we look so incredibly retarded, no? :) i know playing with food is unglam.. but stuff it.  mum&dad! my mum looks really old here.. must be the haircut.  we even had redbean ice cream! :) the kind i used to love when i was a kid.. yums!  my dad and brother having fun with stone lions.. what the.. haha! well i love foodie escapades! this is why i probably will never lose weight.. =D
sitting, waiting, wishing. the heart aches not when it is lonesome but when it misses someone. * six more days. come home soon!
HOTHOTHOT.
i walked down orchard road at midday for five minutes and it was enough to make me sweat bucketloads. i need to acclimatize to the ghastly weather all over again.. bummer. i was just telling nick the other day that i felt quite overwhelmed walking down orchard road with throngs of people. it's like in aussie the streets are rarely so packed and people don't exactly push one another in the shops. but over here people actually brisk walk and shove other people around. not that i already didn't know, but i guess some things just never will change. :/ and i guess in a way, home wouldn't feel like home if not for quirks like these. walking down orchard also makes me feel so old. seeing other people in the uniforms i used to don two or three years ago makes me feel somewhat nostalgic and worn out. sometimes i wish i could just go back to the good ol' rgs days and never grow up. but i'm just being escapist. hehe. managed to catch harry potter as well. i didn't quite like it. i thought it was pretty dark. and i hate it that they killed off cedric diggory.. i really liked him. :(
so i'm home. after months of heightened anticipation, i am finally back in good ol' sunny singapore. my family couldn't recognise me at first from all the weight that i'd put on. sadness. my mum keeps telling me like 5 times a day that i am fat. :( ok. i am going to join fat fighters. i think my home looks funny. but it still feels like home. melb was my escape paradise. now that i'm home i'm forced to deal with a lot of realities that i conveniently shoved aside or never contemplated while i was overseas. the thing about parents is that they don't tell you stuff when you are abroad. they create this illusion of normalcy to prevent you from worrying unduly. but when you're back home, all is revealed. both intentionally and unintentionally. sort of feels like being hit by an avalanche. but otherwise, i guess all is good. * i miss you :(
perhaps it is a thing of the inevitable, but i just get so frustrated whenever i am reminded of my own inadequacy. the woes of not being smart emough, pretty enough, skinny enough, nice enough, talented enough, sporty enough, hardworking enough yaddayadda.. the list goes on. why is it that what we have is always not enough? and just when we thought that maybe it would be enough, the tide of insecurity and fear washes over us, and sweeps us back into the doldrums again. i just watched an episode of sex and the city. carrie bradshaw was fretting that mr big would leave her because she was not the perfect girl in his eyes. i feel like that carrie all the time. i try to tell myself that i am who i am and that people do like me for what i'm really worth, but it isn't quite working. maybe a dose of self-esteem boosting drugs will do the trick. maybe i'm just having a bad day. i just hope that this feeling will just go away as quickly as it came. i'm nearly done with the packing! i simply cannot wait to set foot on homeground.
JUST FOR FUN :)
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. I promise not to come after you with a sharpened pencil either way. :P When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.
I HATE PACKING.
frickin bananas. i'm having so much trouble trying to stuff all the junk i've amassed in the past ten months into my boxes and suitcases. it's so dusty and it's bad enough that i haven't even found a house for next year and i'm having a breakout and i have to go to the bank tomorrow. i bloody hell hate packing. oh. and little britain is seriously hilarious. HAHAHA :)
THANKSGIVING BALL!
thanksgiving was a wonderful occasion, albeit a tiring one, from all the dressing up and infectious excitement (among the girls). in retrospect, i must say that this year has truly been one where i had to deal with major upheavals in my life. i never expected things to turn out so well, but they did, and i'm really grateful for all the blessings i've received. :)  with sherlynn, who looks so fine :)  with emalyne, my wonderful cell leader!  with cheryl, who choreographed the dance  with nick, Godfather style  with chenhua, who looks absolutely pleased  i feel like a million bucks in this one. HAHA :P
CAFE GRECO!
nick and i decided to have ourselves a nice dinner at cafe greco at crown on the day we finished our exams. it was a wonderful dinner and also an excuse to dress up :)  in the car-- we look excited! hehe  appetiser: boiled baby octopus.  mains: nick had some broiled fish dish. i had chicken parmigiano. pretty decent i suppose but being mediterranean it was not as flavourful as i expected it to be. we sat outside the restaurant, overlooking the waterfront. and the weather was just mildly cool, which was a real blessing. after dinner, we caught elizabethtown which was pretty alright, but slow-moving.  THANK YOU for the awesomest night ever :)
wooots!
exams are finally over and done with! now i'm just waiting waiting waiting to fly back home and give my family members some good squishy hugs :P sorry for the lack of updates but pictures will be up.. soon.
i really feel like i'm crashing. i feel so overwhelmed, all of a sudden. i feel as though i'm so alone and helpless. and you know what, i don't even know why i feel like that.. i just do. sometimes i just wish i were home. i need to be home. i want to go home.
sometimes i run, sometimes i hide
sometimes i just get so sick and tired of all the crying. i look at myself in the mirror and all i see is some haggard girl with straggly hair and a blotchy tear-stained face. and then i wonder what happened to the happy cheery everything's-gonna-be-alright girl that i used to be. it's like the world became bleak all of a sudden and all too soon i'm just free-falling, imminently crashing. i hate it that i am so insecure, that i cannot let the little things go, that i behave like some neurotic person. i wonder why i put myself through this, i wonder why you would put up with me and my nonsense. and i wonder why we are doing this to each other. sometimes i just feel so ready to surrender and take the easy way out... but then i wonder what my life would be without you, what i would be missing out on if i didn't have you, what a nicer place my world has become because of you, and i tell myself that i will keep pressing on. and i will wipe my tears away and fight for us. my heart is easily broken. but given the right elements it can also be easily repaired. i know that everything that we are going through now will be worth it. there is so much to be learnt and so much room for this relationship to grow. because for every thunderstorm there will be a beautiful rainbow. ilu
i could sing of Your love forever
Over the mountains and the sea
Your river runs with love for me
And I will open up my heart
And let the Healer set me free
I'm happy to be in the truth
And I will daily lift my hands
For I will always sing
Of when Your love came down
I could sing of your love forever
now where was i
just a quick update before i head out for dinner. umm my paper went horribly, i am/was quite upset about it, and i spent the last two days sleeping and watching shows all day long. not a very interesting life, but here you go anyway. anyway i was just reading the Bible and i saw this verse, Ecclesiastes 7:3, and it says "Sorrow is better than laughter, for by a sad countenance the heart is made better." can someone please enlighten me on this?
my paper is tomorrow and i'm gobsmackingly dead but i am such a lucky girl! :)
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