sometimes i run, sometimes i hide

sometimes i just get so sick and tired of all the crying. i look at myself in the mirror and all i see is some haggard girl with straggly hair and a blotchy tear-stained face. and then i wonder what happened to the happy cheery everything's-gonna-be-alright girl that i used to be. it's like the world became bleak all of a sudden and all too soon i'm just free-falling, imminently crashing.
i hate it that i am so insecure, that i cannot let the little things go, that i behave like some neurotic person.

i wonder why i put myself through this, i wonder why you would put up with me and my nonsense. and i wonder why we are doing this to each other. sometimes i just feel so ready to surrender and take the easy way out...

but then i wonder what my life would be without you, what i would be missing out on if i didn't have you, what a nicer place my world has become because of you, and i tell myself that i will keep pressing on. and i will wipe my tears away and fight for us. my heart is easily broken. but given the right elements it can also be easily repaired. i know that everything that we are going through now will be worth it. there is so much to be learnt and so much room for this relationship to grow. because for every thunderstorm there will be a beautiful rainbow.

ilu