ambivalence is the kind of feeling i dislike having the most.
it's neither here nor there, and it leaves one hanging by a moment.
what do you do if you know something isn't really going to work out
(or at least it seems like it isn't), but you still keep holding on to it...
because it gives you a false sense of security. and because you
don't want to make a mistake you'll regret for the rest of your life.
or just because, letting go is too hard, too painful.

if nothing good is going to come out of it, i should just be strong and
learn to let go- but how can i let go of something that has been
a big part of me for so long? i'm too weak. and here i am, tired and
aching and disillusioned. the longer this drags on, the more hurt i am
inflicting upon myself.

Oh God, only You know.