f o l l o w . t h r o u g h

2007-05-05T14:03:00.000+10:00

bye bye love!
ive moved.

2006-10-15T14:53:00.000+10:00

i am so addicted to muesli! not muesli bars! i mean the kind with rolled oats
and dried fruits. oh gosh i consume like 1kg of muesli in 5 days! i wonder if
there are any contraindications to excessive consumption of muesli, just to
make sure i don't suddenly collapse and die.

2006-10-10T10:32:00.000+10:00

i think i have come to a point where i've become tired of blogging.
or rather, too tired to blog. i might be moving elsewhere but that will
be another story. for now, i won't be updating as regularly as i'm busy
with exams. anyway, medball was a blast and i'll update with piccas as
soon as i can! :) thanks for reading my blog and sorry for the hiatus!

love,
el

2006-10-06T00:32:00.000+10:00

hanabishi!
we'd heard so much about the place and when we finally decided to pay a
visit, we were so thrilled beyond hunger. flipping through their very impressive
menu proved to be such a struggle with our adventurous hearts and gustatory
inclinations, so we decided on the sukiyaki set meal at AUD$80 per head.

yummy sashimi which came in a huge platter and hollowed bamboo halves!
this is, by far the best sashimi i have ever tasted. the sushi was pretty good
as well! taste aside, the other wow-factor was also the presentation, which
made the dish such an appetising and delectable starter.

here's a close up of a piece of california maki and tuna. yum!

this is prawn kakiage, a dish of deep fried prawns with asparagus, done
tempura style. the asparagus was so soft and slightly bitter, which
complemented the sweet tasting prawns so well that i turned into a veggie-
convert for that moment.

our sukiyaki, which came with vegetables, tofu and mushrooms in a rich
sukiyaki broth.

premium wagyu beef! it was so soft and ohsodelicious with the sukiyaki
broth. look at the marbling on the beef slices! that totally upped the eating
experience up a notch for me.

finally, there was a platter of hanabishi's three types of dessert. we had
honey custard in an eggshell, green tea ice cream, and mango and jelly with
a tinge of sake. the green tea ice cream was creamy and really rich, which i
liked. i then tried the mango jelly, which was bittersweet, thanks to the sweet-
ness of the mango and the slight bitter aftertaste of alcohol. i especially loved
the honey custard! if i could put a food to define what ambrosia is, this would
be it.

overall, i had a great eating experience. we spent about 2 hours there and had a really filling and satisfying meal. very well worth the hefty price, and i can't wait
to go back for another gastronomic adventure!

2006-10-01T00:37:00.000+10:00

ugh. holidays are a-ending!
didn't get to do much work and didn't really get out much either.
i mostly spent time bumming... :/
anyway, nick and i went to kokoblack on friday! finally finally!
i was so over the moon because i'd been dying to go there in ages!
we shared an ice mocha cos we had trampoline ice cream before that.
yum it was sooo good! i love kokoblack. now i must go try max brenner's.

and oh yes on tuesday we went to hanabishi and had the best jap food ever,
albeit at a very hefty pricetag of 86bucks per head. but well worth it i'd say!
pictures will be up when i'm done uploading them :)

nick and i are currently into a get-fit phase. we've been exercising and
eating carefully, taking care to avoid processed and unhealthy food, haha!
he thinks he might have coeliac disease after i told him about it but then
again i think maybe its just irritable bowel syndrome. hehe! we went grocery
shopping after gym today and bought lots of muesli and grapefruit juice and
other healthy stuff. i allowed myself 2 indulgences: peanut M&Ms and caramel
popcorn, just to satisfy my popcorn craving. haha. oh well. anyway, we resolved
to get really fit and toned, and even though it sounds so regimental and tedious,
i hope we get there... okay, at least halfway there.

2006-09-28T21:13:00.000+10:00

nutella cupcakes!
since everyone was making them, i thought i might as well catch on.

they were SO easy to make and the best part was licking nutella off the spoon! :)

here's one cupcake oozing lots of nutella love!
can you say YUMMMMAYYY? nutella cupcakes = <3

2006-09-26T23:36:00.000+10:00

wilson's prom(ontory)!

here we go on a trek up mt. oberon

still a long way to go

we stopped to rest halfway through

getting closer

ooohh nearly there!

up we go!

view from the top. simply breathtaking!

one more silly photo

and after lunch, it was squeaky beach!

it really squeaks i tell you.

looks ordinary but sounds extraordinary!

i'm too lazy to write, so to cut a long story short, it was a great trip and i had fun! :) oh yes and we got hit by hail. other than that the stayover at cat's was really enjoyable as well and i won at cranium wahooo!

2006-09-23T08:28:00.000+10:00

hello! its been a long time since i last blogged.
well, this week marked the end of school and start of holidays!
wheeeee! i'm going to wilson's promontory tomorrow and nick
left for grampians early this morning.

anyway, i've got lots of piccas for you all! this week was also my
last community placement with the clients, and boy do i miss them
already! :(

presenting shannon! my favourite person in wavlink:

he is so sweet and adorable! even though he doesn't communicate
much and needs constant supervision, he is a joy to be with because
he's always smiling and full of joy. the other day i bought him this whopper
value meal at hungry jack's and he was absolutely beaming! i love it
when i see that smile on his face! :)

and some of the lovely people at wavlink who have definitely touched
and inspired me:

there's cam, who's always whooping with delight; frank, who likes
to kiss us girls!; len, who loooves talking; craig, who dances like a pro;
and jeanette, who adores horses and puppies <3

mandatory cutesy pose! haha. we get to goof around a lot, and we
sing a lot of karaoke and dance to retro tunes. trust me, what we do is so very fun (and enviable of course!)

this picture sums up my feelings and experience of community
placement. i enjoyed it so much, and i'm thankful for this chance to be
in such a fab organisation, i've definitely learnt so much more about dealing
with people who have disabilities. i can't believe how attached i've grown to
the people there, especially shannon, and it's been a really wonderful exposure
for me as a medical student as well. i love my cpp! :)

2006-09-17T00:46:00.000+10:00

omgosh, i just baked this brownie which replaces butter with prune puree.
its so healthy but it tastes weird! it must be one of the worst things i've ever
baked. on second thoughts, it actually tastes OK now that i've gotten used to
the taste. but i still prefer the fat-filled sinful moist chocolatey brownies! this
looks more like a sponge! :(

anyway, the HILLSONG UNITED concert was AWESOME!
can't describe how good it was in words but boy oh boy nick and i had a
blast jumping up and down in the mosh pit. definitely the highlight of my ever
so mundane week. :) will put up some video snippets when i have the time!

2006-09-12T22:59:00.000+10:00

hello hello!
no time to update at all because i've been glued to youtube watching Yakitate!
haha. it is so addictive! anyway, heres something hilarious for you guys. i fell
asleep today during CPP, we were watching a DVD which starred sandra
bullock and this other guy. so i slept through it and when i woke up and asked
john to let me see the title of the DVD, me and my mates nearly died laughing.
because the DVD was called

WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING.

HAHAHAHAHAHA :) couldn't be more apt huh!

oh yes and heres something random too. happiness is a state of mind! that i
really believe in. if you want to be happy you somehow will, even if you may be
in the worst circumstance ever but if you want to be happy hard enough, you
are bound to find joy in the simplest (or most unexpected) things, ie. the grace
of God! so always look to Him for He is steadfast and merciful! :)

ok, yakitate time!

2006-09-09T11:17:00.000+10:00

i bought the book the devil wears prada for a really low price!
AUD$11.50 only what a STEAL :) courtesy of nick's borders coupon.
can't wait to read it!

right now i'm really hooked on this japanese BAKING ANIME!
it's called Yakitate Japan and it's so interesting and informative!
like did you know that a standard croissant has 54 layers?
and that the word 'croissant' actually comes from 'crescent'? that's
why the croissant looks like a crescent moon. interesting huh? i learnt
it all on Yakitate! this is like a must watch for baking fanatics :)

2006-09-06T20:42:00.000+10:00

we went to the waverley RSL to watch a performance yesterday at CPP.
the guy was called brendan scott and he was so amazing. he must have
sang and played at least 5 different instruments (organ, guitar, banjo,
saxophone, accordian)! and he sang mostly ballads-- funny ones and
sad ones too. it was yet another relaxing placement day. haha!

today i performed a breast examination on a woman for the first time!
it was confronting at first and i was a little jittery but i slowly got the
hang of it and completed it YAY! and i received really valuable feedback
as well... which was good because the volunteers were trained clinical
associates who of course knew if i was palpating the right spots. what a
good session!

oh and i think harvard med school has adopted monash's med school's
health enhancement program! haha. didn't mean to brag, but it's HARVARD!
couldn't resist! :)

my table lamp bulb blew just now and i told jem over msn and all he
said was "HAHA" so i said "THANKS" and he said "YOU'RE WELCOME".
like -_-. seriously.
thank goodness robin is an engineer and i ran to him for help.
it pays to have an engineer at home! haha :)
now my lamp is repaired and i have another reason to start studying :/

2006-09-05T00:06:00.000+10:00

i am so sad that steve irwin died from a stingray attack. :(
read it here.

oh and i made peanut pancakes! inspired by kr's attempt. it was a success!

2006-09-02T23:47:00.000+10:00

oh yes! on friday i went to chapel street BY MYSELF :) and I DIDN'T GET LOST
that is like a major achievement for me because all my friends say my public
transport consists of riding in a toyota corolla... :/ so i wanted to do some self-
exploration to prove that i could navigate my way around the city. thanks to
kr's wonderful straightforward instructions, i got to chapel st. without a hitch.
and boy do i love chapel. i walked up and down chapel for 4 hours and bought 2
dresses, one summery and one for medball. and so value for money too. i am so
going back there! haha :) now all i need is to find out how to get to smith st and bridge road. then my wallet wil really die HAHA!

2006-09-02T23:42:00.000+10:00

blogging in point form seems to work for me nowadays.
i am getting soooo incredibly lazy.

yesterday nick and i watched The Apprentice (season 5) till 430am
we got up at 12noon and went gymming
then we played badminton
then it was church
and a fab dinner at rock kung with complimentary sesame paste dessert
and grocery after that
we bought profiteroles! (YUM)
now i just want to read my chick-lit book and not study :/

i told you i was getting lazy. haha :)

2006-08-31T09:49:00.000+10:00

yesterday i went to monash medical centre (mmc) for my buddy visit and boy
did i love it! i think i'm going to mmc next year for clinicals if nothing goes
wrong. i just love the place. and the seniors we had were absolutely gems! they
were so willing to teach and gave us so many tips and tricks to handling
patients. this guy ben even typed out a list of what he thought we should know
about the clinical years! i was so impressed that he bothered!

i was initially torn between alfred and mmc. alfred, being near the city, by
default has a higher glam factor. it is, obviously, a much more sophisticated
hospital than mmc. BUT, mmc is the busiest hospital in melbourne! and it has
the most facilities. mmc centres on hands-on learning, while alfred places more
emphasis on lectures and academics. the seniors told me that it doesn't matter
where you go, because eventually, if you're really good, you'll end up someplace
good. like keegan, the other senior, who went to mmc for 2 years but he's
starting out at alfred for his internship next year. so there! point taken.

plus mmc is like 10 minutes walk from my house! that is like an added pull
factor for me. i really think mmc gave me a much much better impression
than alfred. thank goodness i got to visit mmc this year! we went to the cardio
ward but i didn't manage to use the stethoscope that i so excited lugged along.
however i took a history and presented it to everyone and the seniors said that
i did an excellent job! yay :) i heart mmc! <3

oh man. and i've been gaining weight! this is weird because i've been exercising
and logically speaking i should lose the pounds so why is the reverse happening? :(

2006-08-29T19:16:00.000+10:00

even though there are things i'd love to write about, i'm too worn out to write
in detail :/ even though i've been on holiday mode and slacking away for the
past week, i just can't imagine why i feel so knackered... plus i just got hay
fever today, which makes things worse! hello watery eyes and runny nose :S

here's a roundup of my week in point form:

friday & saturday: DARE women's conference, which was absolutely amazing and inspiring :)
saturday night: takeaway nandos and fast&furious:tokyo drift with nick
sunday: shopping at DFO! ; then a trip down to the city to visit audrey with nick
monday & tuesday: community placement

i have to write about this gorgeous lady i met at community placement yesterday. she had the most cheerful disposition i'd ever seen and was just so warm and friendly. i heard she'd got into some terrible car accident some years ago which damaged her brain badly, so that she spoke with a stutter and had some memory loss. but she has such a lovely and endearing personality i must say! placements are fun but i guess they can get draining at times. i spent most of yesterday doing tapestries with the participants, and today it was collage-making and music, plus getting kissed on the cheek by frank! haha :)

2006-08-25T23:26:00.000+10:00

i am so digging this bag!

this season's handbag by prada. clipframe bags are so in!

on the other hand, i'm loving this paul&joe bag too:

tell me it's not cute.... i want!!! haha.

just got back from the DARE women's conference. boy was it empowering!
sesh two is on tomorrow i know it's going to be great :) for now, i'm gonna
wash up and read my new sophie kinsella book yay!

2006-08-24T09:58:00.000+10:00

good morning! i think i woke up on the right side of bed today :)
probably because it's the first time since school started that i finally had
ENOUGH sleep! haha. i skipped the 8am lecture today though, because i
figured i wouldn't be able to get up, and in true eleanor fashion, i overslept.
haha!

last night nick and i went to this japanese place called Shira Nui for our
first anniversary dinner. it was located very inconspicuously along the shops
at glen and looked very unassumingly like someone's humble abode rather than
a restaurant. however, we checked up on the place online before we decided on
this restaurant, and it received a fair bit of commendations, so we were assured
of good food. because the place was quite packed, we had to sit at the sushi bar,
but that was cool because we got to see the chef-owner, hirosan, in action! we
watched him prepare some kind of eel sushi which involved grilling the eel with
something that looked like a handheld bunsen burner and then packing the eel
and rice into a wooden mould, which could be detached to reveal the perfectly
formed sushi.

we had sashimi for the entree, as usual, and this time nick chose a platter of
rare beef sushi as well. the sashimi was not too bad but the beef sushi was just
divine! it arrived as thin slices of beef coating the rice balls underneath, and the
beef was only slightly grilled (hence somewhat rare). this dish was a winner
with the both of us! it was the first time i ever had sushi with beef, and i think
that it was an ingenious combination. for the main course, nick had the grilled sea
perch with miso seasoning, and i had the momo-yaki chicken. both were on
the whole, above average and did not disappoint our palattes. i meant to take
a few pictures of the lovely food but we kept forgetting to do so! (maybe because
we were too ravenous.) we didn't stay for dessert because they had mostly creme
brulee which nick doesn't take to, and then we went to purple stone for some
black sesame (nick's) and cookie fudge brownie (mine) gelati. yum! :)

then we went home and watched prison break 2 episode 1. boy it was so
exciting. and shocking too. can't wait for the next episode!

2006-08-23T13:25:00.000+10:00

wahoooo
this is the start of my short but hopefully sweet break!
even though i had to rely on a lot of blind guessing to answer the questions, and that i forgot all
my urology stuff, i think (and hope) it didn't go as bad as i thought it would, because His mercy and grace always carries me through! talk about being ill-prepared. i totally abandoned anatomy
for physiology and neuroscience and i think i got all the gastro questions wrong (why am i surprised? haha). but yes, bottomline is: i'm still very thankful!

i'm now in the uni library blogging away because i skipped a lecture! haha. evidence based medicine and critical appraisal. with a title like this, i don't know how much i'm going to really
pay attention. plus the exam's just over, and i'm in party mode! haha. lots of people skipped
it too! so that makes me not-so-guilty, in a way. and it's not like i'm going to miss much.

yesterday's community placement was the best ever. the kind people at wavlink gave us
half a day off, and we watched a movie at the village cinemas. i got in for free! :) we watched
hoodwinked which was kind of like little red riding hood with a twist but it wasn't really that
good, because there wasn't much of a humour element involved. but there are a lot of cool
cartoons and animated films coming soon so i'm really looking forward to them because the
trailers were so hilarious.

ok i've nothing much to blog about anymore, and i refuse to think of or write about stuff that
does not make me happy. haha ok off to lectures! i hope the lecturer isn't a monotonous droner.

2006-08-21T17:20:00.000+10:00

sometimes i feel like i think too much for my own good.
like seriously way too much.
to the point that i tend to veer on paranoia;
ok that is pretty freaky i should just stop thinking so much. haha
anyway my exam is on wednesday and i am as usual doing everything but
studying... haha. wish me luck people!

2006-08-21T01:05:00.000+10:00

i feel like such a fool sometimes.
always doing silly things, and so weak in the mind and heart, especially,
because i know it's gonna hurt but i'd still go along with it
gosh. i wish i were stronger

i wish we could just be truly happy
like we used to be

2006-08-15T21:01:00.000+10:00

i am practically coughing and coughing my lungs out.
this is the first time in years that i've been ill for more than a week, and all along
i thought i had a pretty good constituition, so this comes as an unprecedented
bout of prolonged illness. :(

then i went running today and made it worse... :/ and drank coke and ate ice cream
nick says thats why i'll never get well soon, because i never look after myself
which is true to some extent, and maybe because he doesn't sympathise with me
haha. and my dad called/messaged me to make sure that i was fine. feeling
like a pampered kid now! i love it when people care for me. :) i appreciate
caring acts very much so yes hint hint hint all you people out there! (just kidding.)

and my mood is so labile. i wonder why.
not that i am easily prone to anger... just that i'm getting more easily disturbed
even over small things; and i just can't put any reason down for it.

today at community placement we had fun! karaoke is so not for me because i
absolutely cannot sing. haha. and my general knowledge, as i have discovered today,
is more limited than i thought it was. haha. oh well! the consequences of not
reading the papers. i'm beginning to really love the people at wavlink. they are
the sweetest people i've ever met. and they just are so simple and kind. even with
their disabilities they still strive to make full use of their abilities and are so inspiringly brave.
dear frank is so endearing. he always greets us with a kiss on the hand
and he never stops telling us girls that we're beautiful and nice. :)
like how cute is that!

2006-08-13T09:07:00.000+10:00

i meant to blog about something in my heart but i have to hold it off because
i absolutely have no time to do so. plus i've been sick for a whole week... and
it isnt getting any better. my voice is going and i'm still coughing and phlegmmy.
being sick sucks!

oh yeah and i went to the DFO in essendon yesterday and i blew 250 bucks
:( my entire pay for the past 3 weeks... evidently every shred of self-control i
have has flown out the window.

2006-08-09T23:40:00.000+10:00

VLADO'S

dinner tonight was at vlado's, an old-fashioned cosy little steakhouse tucked
along many quirky shops in bridge road. vlado's boasts the best australian beef
and i must say even though i haven't really tried that many steaks in australia
to judge that claim, i must say that this is probably the best steak i've ever had!
we each had a porterhouse cut in medium-rare, which was delightfully succulent
and tender. each bite oozed with reddish juice which was more appetising than
off-putting. the slab of beef we had was utterly humongous! check out this picture of the beef i took (i was so ravenous that i had forgotten to take a picture
at the start so what you see here is the two-thirds-eaten remnants of my steak.)

i must give special mention to vlado's mustard. it is by far one of the best mustards
i've tried. it is not too overpowering and goes oh-so-well with the meat. we
nearly tried to pilfer a jar home (haha).

then we also had dessert-- a wonderfully decadent platter of strawberry pancakes
served with whipped cream and vanilla ice cream. it was so good :)

vlado's has no menu, except for a beverage list. that's because they only serve a
standard set meal that comes with appetiser, main course of steak (with your choice of cut) and dessert. it cost 75 bucks per person but i would say it was
well worth the money given the satisfying and large portion of steak, and with dessert that simply blows your mind away.

of course, what made the evening enjoyable was not just savouring good food
but also with wonderful company! :)

nick and i! // eileen and joshua :)

ok, i so need to go and do work. :/ ta!

2006-08-07T00:42:00.000+10:00

as promised, here are the convention ball peeks! :)

nick and i! love this pic of us. next up in the pretty blue dress is sherlynn :).
and with lynette in her lovely black dress with bows (i love it).
i think she looks oh so fine! and with jon lee, whom i was really happy and
surprised to see at the ball!

nick, i and cheryl! nick looks nice here and i like guys who dress smartly. haha.
ok and actually i'm wearing the same dress i wore to aaron's wedding.
i am so not getting another black dress... :/

my easter camp committee! :) a surprise impromptu reunion i'd say.
bobby looks so cute and boyish in his new haircut haha! and we missed suee
and june... if not we'd be in full force. i kinda miss planning for easter camp :(

ok i had a really good time at the ball, and i only wish i didn't have such a massive
breakout. but thanks to the wonders of make up, i got through the night a little
easier. haha. ok and i need to go and exercise... soon.

and just before i go:

HEHE :)

2006-08-06T11:34:00.000+10:00

hello i just woke up.
the ball last night was preeedy fun! haha. everyone looked so dressed up and
lovely and i met all my easter camp committee people there! :)
we had nice food, for a start. and the entertainment wasn't so bad either.
we went to a jazz club at brunswick after that! it was awesome cos the band
was just fab and we danced the night away. :) then we had supper at lygon and
went home at 330am when we were too stuffed and stoned to do anything.
pictures will be up layderrr
i'm still sleepy haha

oh yes and i FINALLYFINALLY got my black suede pointy boots
courtesy of sherlynn and the rest. i am soooo happy!
i must wear them everyday now cos winter's nearly over haha

2006-08-03T22:00:00.000+10:00

ok just a quick one cos i'm really really tired not to mention knackered.

we had a decadent dinner today (again).
we bbq-ed, yes we had a bbq pit, and we bbq-ed honey glazed chicken wings (mine)
and black pepper chicken wings (nick's) and belacan fillets (sherlynn) and boy
were they yummmmalicious*. and dessert was warm blueberry danish with vanilla
oreo ice cream. by the time we were done we were bursting at the seams.
hearty house dinners rock!

and nick and robin have gone to play pingpong (it's 10pm now).
i'm so tired i want to sleep but work beckons... :(

2006-08-02T22:19:00.000+10:00

i had a fabulous dinner just now. courtesy of leftover frozen roti prata from
saturday's party and A1 chicken curry paste and sher's efforts. yums! :)
also bought fruit salad from periperi during work today because i realised i
hadn't had fruits in so long... i'm really unhealthy aren't i?

i'm having a bad pimple outbreak it's all over my forehead. arrrghhhhhh :/
and the ball is this saturday helpppp.
ergh i have to work again tomorrow and i'm so dreading it.
work today was fun because i got to do the chocolate mousse and then
the best part was pilfering the leftovers. so yummy! i love chocolate mousse.
but i saw that it was 500ish calories per serving thank goodness i didn't
pilfer a lot if not i'd be panicking like crazy now. haha

2006-08-01T01:53:00.000+10:00

i should go and sleep now if not i'm pretty sure i wont be able to catch the 8am
bus to glen tomorrow......... :/

thing is, i am a fool in love (once again).

:) :) :) happyyyy ok not making sense here gooooooonight

2006-07-29T14:47:00.000+10:00

it's all been done.

i wish things did not have to come to an end, at least not with us. there are a great many things that i could have wished did not happen, and a great many things that i wish we both understood and came to terms with. but i know
sometimes there are things that we always wish we could change, but cannot.
but life is like this, and it hurts but you still have to drag yourself along the
throes of heartache, and tell yourself that you have to move on. there are just too
many things in this mad world that we cannot escape from. and pain is one of
them. but at least i know that if i felt the hurt, then what i had was real.

i should have known that loving someone was never going to be easy. i probably
knew that already but i was too disillusioned to heed warnings. but i guess i
know if i had the chance to i would still do it all over again... every hurt is well worth the simple joy of having someone to love and behold; and because life is
nothing without love.

2006-07-28T16:01:00.000+10:00

thank you for reading my blog but i really have nothing constructive to say,
life's same old same old (read: rollercoaster happy-sucky-happy-sucky but
generally alright) and i've been working... work makes me so pooped! i get
so lethargic by the time i get home and then i can't even summon enough
energy to do my work. i think i may have overestimated my abilities. :/
but anyway, phil gave me and sher free wedges and 3 large servings of pasta
yesterday- we offered to pay, but he wanted us to have it FOC. so that was really
nice... one of the perks of working in f&b. food and more food.

anyway, i'm leading bible studies later, so wish me luck! and now to catch up on
anat.

2006-07-25T10:58:00.000+10:00

ambivalence is the kind of feeling i dislike having the most.
it's neither here nor there, and it leaves one hanging by a moment.
what do you do if you know something isn't really going to work out
(or at least it seems like it isn't), but you still keep holding on to it...
because it gives you a false sense of security. and because you
don't want to make a mistake you'll regret for the rest of your life.
or just because, letting go is too hard, too painful.

if nothing good is going to come out of it, i should just be strong and
learn to let go- but how can i let go of something that has been
a big part of me for so long? i'm too weak. and here i am, tired and
aching and disillusioned. the longer this drags on, the more hurt i am
inflicting upon myself.

Oh God, only You know.

2006-07-23T11:04:00.000+10:00

good morning!
getting up at 11am is sheer luxury.
ok this week has really been so eventful and fun, not to mention
i've consumed more alcohol this week than i've ever had in the whole of
last year :/ and i need to go exercise before i get a beer belly.

right. i should really go and actually do SOME work now instead of wasting
time before i regret it.

2006-07-20T18:54:00.000+10:00

i'm pooped!
had class from 8 to 1pm and worked from 1 to 5pm.
i'm knackered and my body is aching, but i'm pretty satisfied.
my boss is nice to me and i got praised today! so it was good.
ok gotta run for dinner. i'm having korean yay

2006-07-19T22:00:00.000+10:00

i believe i'm finally done trying.
done with the time wasting, done with the wishing,
done with fighting back tears, done with the emotional conflicts,
and most of all, done with inflicting the hurt on you and i.

yes, i think it's about time i was done.
just let me move on, so i can find myself again.

2006-07-18T17:06:00.000+10:00

umm, hello!

i got hired :) went for training today at periperi, and spent all of five hours
serving chicken and chips and wedges and smiling till my jaws ached and
counting money. oh, and i got burned by hot metal too :/ but apart from that
it was pretty fun, so yay to that. here's to more money for el wahoooo!

i'm quite happy that i got a job not because i get to earn more pocket money
but because it gives me less time to worry about other things and be emo about
it, and it also helps me battle that sense of hopelessness that drapes itself like a
cloak on my shoulders. (gah)

last night we went to a jazz bar for nick's birthday celebration. apparently, i have very low tolerance for alcohol. but we had fun :) nesh's birthday is tomorrow

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NESH!

these days i find that i'm getting hungrier for God, and His word. it's a good

thing, and i'm thankful for so much, even if i'm hurting. ok i'm pooped. bye

2006-07-17T00:48:00.000+10:00

school starts tomorrow, argh!/yay!
feeling ambivalent about it because when school starts, i'll be more busy
and when i'm busy, i'll spend more time panicking and less time being emo

these days i feel like i'm in low spirits, but i'm praying more and talking to
God more, and He gives me a lot of strength to deal with my problems,
which is good, by the way. the other day i was feeling so down and alone,
but now i don't feel so alone after all. because i know God is here for me! and
He has placed so many wonderful people in my life, so for the time being i am
happy and cheerful.

also because it's nick's birthday today! i thank God so much for him, that He
has blessed nick with a good 22 years and enriched such a wonderful individual.
i thank God for giving me this special person in my life, so that i may learn
how to love truly and deeply, in good times and bad.

happy birthday my dearest!

love you so much.

YYY

2006-07-15T21:47:00.000+10:00

no matter how hard i try
it still hurts :_(

2006-07-13T03:04:00.000+10:00

i'm am back in melbourne and it feels so great! :)

i was incredibly jet lagged yesterday and i slept for ages.
when i woke up today and checked the clock i got a huge shock,
because it was 3PM! i checked my phone clock to make sure and
yes it was 3PM indeed. so i panicked and changed in 10 minutes
and hopped onto a bus to chaddy to get my shopping done! haha.
(the reason why i panicked was because shops close at 530PM on
weekdays and i only had 2 hours to shop! haha)

so i maximised my two hours there and got some really great deals!
first i bought a white chloe paddington replica!

that's the real chloe which costs US$1380, which i can only afford in five years time (i hope). isn't it a beauty? it's like the It bag of the season now.

so i will have to contend with the replica for now.
i was actually torn between the black and white one, since i have this
tendency to not buy white bags, because they stain easily. and also due to
the fact that i love black bags because i think they look so classic and stylish.
i wish they had the bag in camel, because it looks so absolutely leathery and plush! but if i am not wrong white bags are in this summer season, and since i don't have a white bag, i decided to get the white instead.
it looks really nice and pristine and the best part is it's pretty roomy,
and i can use it for school!

then i also got this pair of crochet mules and this other pair of quirky
woven flats!

the best part is, i got really good prices for my bag and shoes, so i went home
happy without burning a hole in my pocket. :)
now i feel very excited and ready for school. yay! i love shopping for back-to-
school stuff! :D

2006-07-10T14:22:00.000+10:00

i am leaving this place soon!
i'm really glad to go back to melb and regain my freedom :)
but at the same time, i am so glad for time spent with family.
even though there have been times where i felt like all i wanted
to do was to get out of singapore as soon as possible, being around
family is still nice.. of course. i'm so glad i got to meet up with so many
people. and i am so thankful that God has really watched over me well
and showered me with blessings abundantly during this time.

so long my dears, au revoir singapour!

oh yeah. how could france lose?! i feel so sorry for zizou and henry.
italy bad. RAWRRR :S

2006-07-09T01:17:00.000+10:00

twas a great day today! productive, in a sense.
i met up with so many people today so i'm very pleased now :)

it was really funny i had crystal jade with joyce, then i met jo, who's back from
loughborough. i was saying how i hadn't seen the UK/US people for yonks, when she
told me that qiuyun was back. so anyhoos, we were going over to paragon when all of
a sudden there was a shrill high pitched voice behind us and lo and behold, it was song
qiuyun in the flesh. HAHA! serendipity. i asked her how come she knew it was us, and
she said 'i heard someone talking, and i thought to myself, only eleanor speaks like that'.
okayyy. how is my speaking unique? haha :/ and then i bumped into xinying at paragon.
talk about singapore being such a small small world. or like i told jo, maybe everyone
hangs out at orchard.

jo and i sat at dome reminiscing and recounting what we'd done in the past year, over
glasses of iced mocha. she told me about her travels, especially her trip to morocco, which was really interesting but also very frightening. :S then we caught up with sok yuying and sip and flea at coffeebean and sat there for a good three hours bumming and chatting and taking photos.
flea is still sososo tall :( but it was good seeing her after so long! :D

with flea with joanna with sippy with yuying & sok!

argh i think i need to change camera. my antique minolta was the brunt of jokes this
afternoon. they kept laughing at my poor cam! what bullies. haha. all because sip's cam is
also a minolta, but her camera screen is like 4 times the size of mine. how can that be?! :(
anyway, i had a really good time out today. nothing better than catching up with old pals!
i am leaving this place in 2 days time! life will be soon back to normal and the stresses of
academic life will be back to haunt me once again :/

i saw a pretty yellow dress at zara today! tried it on while waiting for jo to come.
it's so pretty! my favourite colour of the season is canary yellow/bright yellow :)
i would have bought it but it's 100ish. so much for the zara sale. they bluff people!
and in what way is reducing an 80$ skirt to 65$ called a sale?!

see, it's such a lovely dress right? i planned to get it for medball.
but i have to save money cos i've been spending! so no dress for me*wails* :(

2006-07-07T21:37:00.000+10:00

looking back on old photographs is like sifting through troves of old memories.

i look at each picture and reminisce on the times when i was looking so chubby-
cheeked, so silly, unglam and sometimes horrific (haha) ..and yet so blissful, in a way.
like this one here, i was at my fattest, but i was really happy (see, sparkly eyes!)

sometimes these photos make me laugh out loud, at the sheer silliness of it all!
sometimes they make me miss the people i don't get to see very often :(
sometimes they make me feel sad, because things are never the same,
and how i miss the good old days... i wish i could turn back the clock and relive
those moments again, and treasure them for eternity.
but there is a reason why there is no rewind button in life.
if we could all backtrack to our happiest and gloriest moments,
then our most precious memories would cease to exist, and we would start to
take people for granted.

looking at pictures is such an activity that triggers so many memories,
all at once! 'oh remember so and so' 'we were at this place' 'and we did that'
stillframes haphazardly arranging themselves into an animated mosaic.
looking back is such a joy, yet the aftertaste is bittersweet;
sort of like biting into a bar of chocolat noir...

i love recalling all the happy events in my past, especially those spent with
the ones i love and cherish the most
yet there is an ache in my heart where i wished that things were still the same,
if not better; wishing that i hadn't done that, or that i should have
done this instead, and etcetera.

sometimes we don't want to remember
and sometimes all we want to do is forget
especially when the present is not as good as the past

there are so many instances in which i feel a surge of powerful emotions
just by looking at these photographs, remnants of the past

i miss you a lot! the europe girls, jialin, addie, sally
the doubleseaters gang, kwanyi, moi, jialin, dawn & sab
and my beloved basketball and softball girls
403, 2S03B

i thank God for putting all these people in my life
the old friends, as well as the new found ones
especially nick, who has given me so much happy times,
and walked me through my valleys.

blessed is a child of the Lord! Y

2006-07-06T23:20:00.000+10:00

les bleus won! YAY! :)
allez allez allez les bleus!

i really hope france wins the world cup.
they've got henry and zizou
they'd better win HAHA

2006-07-05T22:55:00.000+10:00

i just spilt iced water on myself
a (rare?) moment of spasticity.
if nick were here he would have laughed at me like non-stop
and the poking would ensue for the next three days
i'll bet, haha

i kind of enjoy getting teased by nick sometimes
its fun, in a silly kind of way
because i end up laughing at myself
(even though my initial reaction is to be defensive)
is that not joy ?
haha

2006-07-05T13:12:00.000+10:00

i really, really want to go back to melbourne
like right now

2006-07-03T22:57:00.000+10:00

embarassing embarassing embarrassing
today i went for a short run, in my old raffles t-shirt
and omgosh this guy i ran past, he had the same shirt!
i was so mortified. i think he was too.
i saw the crest like 10metres away and was thinking how i could
avoid crossing his path. i think we were trying to dodge each other.
he had this sheepish look on his face,
i tried to look for coins on the ground
haha please tell me what are the chances of running past some guy in the
same shirt as you :/ fashion faux pas haha.

7 more days!
i can't wait.

2006-07-02T03:21:00.000+10:00

my cousin aaron's wedding! on the 1st of july 2006.

the happy couple! // me & emerson // my pretty cousin anne! //
me, carol & aaron, plus my folks

aaron's wedding was awesome! it's so wonderful to see two people
so deeply in love tie the knot and be united as one! that Christ has
brought these two people from two different continents to be with
each other in love! i'm so happy for the loving newly-weds :) makes
me wonder when i'll ever get married to the love of my life, and what
it'll be like.. haha. i can't wait, really.
in good time, in good time i will. let's say 6 years from now? i hope.

ok. and here's a picture of me without and with glasses. see? do you
now believe me when i say i look bad in glasses? sigh :/ thank goodness
i don't have to wear them all the time!

2006-06-29T23:25:00.000+10:00

me and addie! // me and yuying and sip :)

yesterday's bbq at addie's place was fab! we had lovely satay and chicken and spareribs and salad and honeydew and ferrero thanks to her wonderful maid who bbqed them for us while we stayed in the house to watch spring break 2006 on mtv haha! thanks addie for inviting us :D it was good to see you after 2 whole years! all the best for year 4 and have a safe flight back :)

it was also good seeing ex-basketball teammates like sip and yuying, and also seeing kerk! haha who is in melbourne and is sher's good friend. small small world no? i think i need to start dieting..egad. yesterday i was the only one eating and eating and eating. even sip says i'm a glutton! :/ she thought i was going for a piece of fruit when really i was attacking the spareribs haha! my bottomless pit of a stomach.

i can't wait to go back to melb.
the weather here is so ghastly :( 11 more days!

2006-06-28T01:41:00.000+10:00

a day spent with nick today :)
we ate the kuishinbo buffet for lunch. i think i ate so much i felt like
bursting. i am such a glutton. :/
then we went back to his place and watched a lot of grey's.
haha! yeah, bumming is our favourite pasttime.

anyway time spent with nick is always good.
he makes me so very happy and having him around makes me
realise how thankful i am for his love and company. :)

love you darling! Y

2006-06-27T02:47:00.000+10:00

eleanor: el nino says:
i feel like sometimes over the past years i've become cynical
eleanor: el nino says:
i used to be so idealistic
Jezzar says:
oh well, as you get to see more of what happens in real life...can't help but feel, everything isnt as you would like it to be
eleanor: el nino says:
yeah.. spot on

ok i'm in a ponderous mood right now, if you'll excuse me.
is knowing the real, absolute truth important?
what if knowing the truth wouldn't exactly make things any different;
then would it really matter that much?
or do we all disregard the truth when we can't bear to speak it;
if so, is that why we all lie?

and lastly, would you rather know the truth and get hurt;
or would you rather thrive on untruths.. if they could make you happy?

2006-06-27T00:37:00.000+10:00

these days i find i really don't know what is going on anymore.
the worst thing is, i don't even want to know what is going on.
i wonder why i had to come back. i wish i stayed.
i just want to be on the next flight back to melbourne.
but i have responsibilities and obligations that i cannot shirk.
the easy and selfish way out seems so inviting!
but yet i know i can't, and it would be so wrong to take it.

in times like this i feel like i can't ever be certain of anything else but God.
i don't know who else to turn to but You.
and my faith will not waver, because You will not forsake me.
i will never understand why things like that happen, but i do know
that You are in control. i'm keeping my chin up, and tomorrow will be a better day.

2006-06-25T04:06:00.000+10:00

it's my mum's XXth birthday today!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM Y

anyway i haven't uploaded the pics yet, so that will have to come later. i promise i will upload it as soon as i can get my bum off the chair to get the usb cable hehe!

meanwhile, to compensate for the lack of current pics, here are some postdated pictures for your viewing pleasure:

first up! my two weeks on attachment in Moe, a rural town:

skyline//tractor//cows//long & winding road

with yus & kai//kai! :)//with kai & fad on the stairs

i survived rural thanks to kai, my roomie for 2 weeks! who is ever so disciplined in her diet.. and who stopped me from excessive snacking haha! and fad, who actually brought a skipping rope and we had such a fun skipping sesh in our dorm! and thank goodness for people like yus and ajis who drove us around :) that's how i got through a boring 2 weeks in cow-and-sheep land.

ok and next up are some pics of my cell group surprising me one week before my birthday at my house. i look very very unglam because i was in pjs! haha! but it was really nice of them though i loved every minute of it :)

jack with the cake & sparklers//lucky girl with two cute housemates//cake time with sher and jack//nick & i

ok this photo deserves a stand-alone because i think its absolutely HILARIOUS. we all look so idiotic, except sher who looks pretty normal in there! HAHAHA :D it's like my desktop wallpaper now, roflol

ok, that's enough pics for the moment! i am a happy girl tonight.
goodnight world!

2006-06-22T22:16:00.000+10:00

argh! blogger deleted my post and i have to type it out all over again :(

anyway, i had a pair of specs made today!
i've never worn specs in my entire life and yes, i really do look bad in them.
but yeah, i used to get away without having to wear specs for 21 years until i discovered i couldn't see the screen in lectures :( my right eye's pretty normal but my left eye is way too bad, 125ish degrees i think?!
so it was quite exciting, i got my eyes tested and picked my frames;
so after 15 minutes of trying on specs of all shapes and sizes and colours, i finally decided on this rectangular one and the funniest part is that it's red. omgosh i kinda regret it now because i don't know if i can pull it off. i hope nick doesn't vomit or choke when he sees me in glasses haha!
anyway, i need to get used to seeing myself in specs, and wearing them for that matter. i think it's kind of funny having to balance something on your nose! well, not that i'll be wearing them 24/7; only in lectures when i absolutely can't see. haha :/

2006-06-22T01:38:00.000+10:00

i bought a top sometime ago, and this is what the cute tag had to say:

"but i cannot marry the mole!"
the beautiful mouse cried in despair.
"what on earth shall i do?" in her grieved stupor,
she stumbled on a corncake and fell in a heap
on the ground, and continued falling,
deeper and deeper, until she rolled no more.
a little thud echoed in the hollow.
through the darkness, she heard a gentle voive,
as comforting as the cool earth
beneath her dainty mice feet,
beckoning,
she heard the single strike of a match light,
lo and behold,
appeared a halo illuminating the sweetest brown face
"do not be afraid, my dear. it is i, mr. mole."
her tiny heart gleamed with surprise,
for it was love at first sight.

i've been reading Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge, albeit at a veryveryvery slow pace.
it's a really good book that really speaks to the core of my heart.
it makes me feel quite sad sometimes that i can identify with the tough stuff in the book yet comforted in a sense, because i can relate to it and also because i know there are many women out there who are in the same situation.
the more i read the more exposed i feel.
suddenly i begin to realise how needy i am, how much i desire to be loved and delighted in, and how much i want to be beautiful and lovely.
it's embarrassing for me to say this on a public blog but it's really true and i don't want to pretend anymore. i love being appreciated and cared for and i love being in a romance and i love being the girl of someone's dreams. when i don't get what i want, i feel disappointed. the feeling is immense, and sometimes consuming. i hate that! ergh!
i just want to be a nice and kind person who is liked by all and most importantly someone who radiates God's presence and blessings. but it just seems so hard, especially when you have been wounded and it's hypocritical to pretend.
i know it's unrealistic to hope that a book would change my life but it has definitely impacted me in some way and i very much want to take a step forward though. i realise it's not what i want that matters so much but rather what God wants for me.

i know one day i will see the big picture.
and i won't wait until that day to be happy, because if i don't start now i never will be!
so i will try my best to smile and be thankful for everything, even if it hurts.
because God is always in my heart and that is reason enough to be joyful :)

2006-06-21T03:11:00.000+10:00

met nick(tan) today for the first time in eons! haha
we had sushi tei and i love the sashimi salad! thanks for introducing it to me- i am not a fan of veggies but i gobbled up most of it, so there. yum! :)

then we walkedwalkedwalked around orchard.. the GSS was not as good as expected :(
got a pair of heels, a tube top, then i dragged nicktan to borders with me to get myself a nice notebook to scribble in. i felt quite bad for making him walk all over the place with me, especially when he said he wanted to watch world cup! haha. but he was real nice! hehe and my self-phototaking skills pwns his like mad! haha. my skill has been perfected through taking narcissistic self-shots with the camera teeheehee! yeah i know, i'm a vainpot.

i got psychoed into donating money to one of those charities again. i don't even know if those charities are like for real, or whether they're part of some scam. but yeah the auntie was literally begging me, i couldn't say no. and nicktan walked away leaving me to tackle the auntie by myself, so i lost the fight and surrendered my money. this must be like the 156329th time i succumbed to such things/scams in orchard. ergh.

oh yeah. and we bumped into lulu (llewellyn) and serena at borders. then i bumped into joanne on the train on the way home. she still remembers me! haha. i'm glad i wasn't forgotten it sucks when people can't even remember that you barely existed.
ok longlonglong post i'm tired and my punctuation is weird
nick finishes his last paper tomorrow i'm so glad for him! YAY :D

2006-06-18T13:40:00.000+10:00

yesterday i went to sentosa! and i really think siloso is overcrowded. and aussie beaches are way nicer! but yeah, good to see some sand and sea once in a while.

i hope i get a job.. i hate bumming! gah :/ i wonder if the GSS is any good. i haven't exactly trooped down to orchard as yet but i will.. soon. haha. i want to get a new dress for my cousin's wedding but i don't know if my mum will kill me. (because i already have two new dresses) and i want a white one! haha. need to think about what to get nick for his birthday haha it's quite a headache getting stuff for someone who already has pretty much everything! and i'm having problems thinking of what to get him that will be uniquely special and one of a kind. but yeah i'll get to it :)

i miss my independence! i really do. over here i'm feel like a little girl and i'm already 21! i love being carefree and unfettered. over here i just feel a little restrained and sheltered but anyways its good to bask in lots of familial love and indulge in local delicacies. my grandaunt keeps asking me to eat like every 5 secs and she doesn't believe me when i say i've eaten (?!) haha.

alright, i'm free from now till 10 jul! please ask me out even if we haven't met for ages! i really would love to catch up with you all. REALLY. :) leave a comment here or email me ok?

2006-06-16T22:21:00.000+10:00

i'm home! after a 7half hour crappy flight.. :/ but yes it's good to be home in one piece.
i didn't do much today, i was quite the bum. called up a few schools to ask about any vacancies for relief teaching, and emailed my resumes to a couple.
i jogged today! first time in 1.5 months. i was flat out tired in like 10 mins which is a sign that i need to exercise more haha. then i went to eat roti prata with my family, which totally killed the calories i struggled so hard to burn today. i had an oily rice dumpling in the morning, roast pork rice for lunch, a chocolate croissant for tea, oreos for snackfood, and roti prata and mee goreng for dinner. my parents are seriously trying to fatten me up. hehe. i shall have to delay my diet plans till next week, after i've had my fill of local delicacies.
one thing random about today- i used conditioner! and some l'oreal hair mask. my hair, which used to be a knotted mass of hay, now feels relatively softer and smoother. yay! i think sherlynn would approve *winkwink*
ugh! it's only been one day in singapore and i miss aus already. to put it more aptly i miss my life in aus and my housemates and room and of course, nick, who is studying very hard for exams now. i can't wait for sher and nick to come home. and for my brother to book out. gah!
i've been watching lots of grey's anatomy. i love burke! he is so methodical and cool. plus he can cook a turkey roast! haha. but his dewey decimal system of books is quite freaky. and i think karev is such a jerk to break izzy's heart. seriously. :/ ok back to grey's ..and family guy.
missing you all my fellow atlantics! good luck for exams and hang in there my dears! keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. Y

2006-06-14T03:38:00.000+10:00

it's over! phew. now i can breathe a little easier.
i'm 30% on my way to becoming a doctor! (i mean houseman haha)
yeah anyway, they were kind to us and gave us a pretty alright paper, but i will allow myself to mess this paper up because i hadn't enough time to study at all because of all the crappy assignments we had. ugh. but i don't really care its overrrrr !!! and i'm going for the country road sale with nick tomorrow morning yay :)

i'm gonna touch down in singapore on 15th june at 10plus pm!
a little excited to be home yet dreading to leave aus. i feel so bad for leaving nick behind to face the exams by himself, but what do i do when my dad wants me back so soon? :/

anyway, see you my loves when i get back.
email me if you wanna meet up!

2006-06-10T00:25:00.000+10:00

ke ai nu ren by jay chou. i'm crazy over this song.
it's currently on my itunes repeat mode and i think it's on its 1034th run. HAHA!
go download if you haven't already!

one day i will be a ke ai nu ren too

2006-06-09T23:02:00.000+10:00

today was like the day for foul moods.
i didn't get much sleep the night before- 4 hours or so;
and when i don't get enough sleep. i turn into the grumpiest most irritable creature ever.
and i was reading notes on sleep apnoea, a condition that involves interuppted sleep due to periods of not breathing. and the more i read, the more irritated i got. really! :S i'm telling you sleep is so precious. i love my bed <3 (ok out of point).
anyway my mood has improved tremendously after a short nap and a nice warm shower. and also a nice meal of linguine, pancakes, gelati and chocolate mudcake (thanks robin+cellgroup!)
i think the only way to placate me if i'm irritated is by way of sweet desserts. works almost all of the time. haha!

anyway i want to tell you guys about my OSCE.
OSCE is like a clinical skills practical, for those unfamiliar with the term.
it was hilarious i tell you. i screwed up so badly the examiner and i laughed at my mistakes.

so i had to do a cardiovascular exam on a patient. and i did everything in great detail, like look at the fingers, face, neck, read his pulse, felt his chest for heaves and thrills yaddayadda. basically i did everything- except listen to his heartbeats with the stethoscope- which is like the GIVEN for cardio exams. HAHA.

ok here goes #2. i did a urine dipstick test without putting on gloves.
the patient laughed. :/ last year i did CPR without gloves. every year i forget to put on gloves- not because i'm unhygenic!- but because i'm nervous and excited.. okay.

and CPR was like the usual pump pump pump, breathe into dummy. but yeah as usual, i was panting. i hope i never have to adminster CPR in real life. i think i would die of exhaustion first. haha!

i make such a bad/questionable doctor-to-be. :(

ok i need to go mug now, exam in like 4 days (egaaaad :/).
tooodles!

2006-06-08T00:16:00.000+10:00

OSCEs tomorrow. :/
haven't even started preparing for it.
thank goodness it's formative.

oh God i love formative assessments.

2006-06-04T08:38:00.000+10:00

my early birthday present from nick

my very own custom-made crumpler!

nick actually designed the bag and drew the butterfly on the bag for me! i think it looks really nice! and it's so bright and cheery!
the best part is, i'm the only person in the whole wide world who owns this bag and when i carry it it will always remind me of him.
i am so glad he didn't get me one of those store bought items that half the world has. he said he was sorry it wasn't an LV but i don't care much for LV now that i have a personalized bag from my favourite person in the world. i am so loving it! :)

and i must say that i'm really really blessed. thank God for a wonderful 21 years!

my awesome cell group surprised me on friday night at my house with a cake and sparklers and i've got such a spiffy new bag and a wonderful boyfriend and a letter from my dear family! :)

happiest girl in the world for now ....wheeee!

2006-06-03T12:08:00.000+10:00

i think i have been too naive all this while.
maybe there is no such thing as unconditional love in the secular world.
people change. people love you differently if you have changed.
people love you less because you have done them wrong.
people love you more because you have done them good.
i thought unconditional love means loving without condition;
to love even if you are hurt, even if you are angry, even if the person in question is mean/disgusting/hurtful/irritating etc. to love them the same- or maybe more, but no less.

i will admit that it's not easy. it is so hard for me to love my brother the same after he has read the contents of my diary. it is so very difficult for me to forgive and love a friend who has betrayed my trust. maybe there are just too many people who have been too horrible to deserve unconditional love. or maybe there are too many people who don't love deeply enough. either way, this world is a sad place.

before you think i have turned completely cynical, no- i haven't.
i still believe that one form of unconditional love exists, aside from God's.
that is parental love.
i know my parents will always love me. they don't even have to tell me or do anything to show it. because in my heart i have this confidence that they always will. unconditionally.

maybe i don't deserve unconditional love but i do know i am loved.
so let that be enough.

2006-05-30T23:53:00.000+10:00

sitting, waiting, wishing.

and this is where the disappointment stems from:
from the heightened anticipation of the desires that eventually did not materialise.

coughlosercough

2006-05-30T18:29:00.000+10:00

the chadstone VIP sale is on tomorrow!

omgosh i'm so excited :) all i can think about is shopping and getting my trenchcoat and boots and jeans(?) and mum's present!!

haha. nick apparently thinks i have a game plan to maximise my shopping spree. he also thinks that i'll only go home after 12midnight which is when the sale ends.. which is NOT true! i'm only giving myself 2 hours max. ok 2.5 hours max. and then i will drag my lustful materialistic self home. AND study. i personally don't think i'm that crazy about shopping. i sure hope i don't prove nick right. :/

and on a totally random note, this marks my 300th post! wooot :)

2006-05-29T15:55:00.000+10:00

i think my PCL tutor is hilarious! (despite his fuddyduddy-ness and being so anal about punctuality).

this excerpt of his email really cracked me up:

As "The Ballet Dancer" is the final PCL for the semester, the final session (Friday June 9, 1:30 p.m.) is one at which the partaking of some celebratory refreshment will be permitted (but absolutely no alchohol or other dodgy substances). Of course, we are all responsible to ensure that everything is cleaned up without a trace, otherwise ...

Cheers,
Brian.

HAHA. :)

2006-05-28T16:08:00.000+10:00

gah.
i just logged on to the blog set up by joan's friends, and learnt of her passing.
it just seems so unreal. especially when i'm so far away from home where this is all happening.
and two or three years ago, when we were all at the prime of our junior college lives, no one would have thought that this would be conceivable. much less imaginable.
but it has happened, and i guess life is really something that we have no control over.
we could plan so much for the future and make lists of "things-to-do-before-i'm-60" or fantasize about our future kids and all, but i guess God is the one who really has the final say. so i say treasure the present and love the people around you. we're not going to stick around forever so if we don't start now, when will we?

to joan:
rest in peace. i pray that you will begin a wonderful existence in God's kingdom. thank you for being my catcher and sorry for all the bruises! :/ you are much loved and dearly missed.

2006-05-27T23:02:00.000+10:00

just a quick update:

we had a PJ party at my place yesterday!
it was such a blast although it went on till 1am when it was scheduled to end at 10pm. haha. it was quite embarrassing for me though.
let's just say i had to do a catwalk in my pjs. aaack :/
the best part was supper! i Y sinful food.
think chocolate coated strawberries, apple sponge pudding, triple chocolate cookies, konnyaku jelly, bread pudding and eileen's famous and decadent chocolate cheescake. mmmhm!
yeah. FAT FEST! haha. dunno how much taebo i need to do to lose the calories. ugh. but no regrets though! :)

i went for church today and it was AWESOME! :)
the speaker was joseph garlington, who sings as he preaches!
i've never ever come across a minister who was so unique,
and yes, it was a great message filled with humour and song and cheer.
i was exceptionally happy(!!!) in church today. it was as though i could see God sitting among us and having fun with us. it was the highlight of my entire day :)

then i went home and made puff pastry pizza, which was turned out quite well! hooray!! we caught iron chef on tv (by accident) and i was so excited and squeal-ly nick had to tell me to relax. haha :S
oh well, it was a happy day today.

the only thing i'm miffed about ...is actually myself.
i stupidly applied face cream that was expired ages ago on my face.
and yes, i ended up with this massive outbreak.
i have raised red bumps on my face where i smeared the stupid cream :(
nick keeps making fun of me it's not even funny anymore.
i hope it's not permanent... argh! ok. it's too long a post for a quick update.
i needneedneed to study. ok bye.

2006-05-25T16:18:00.000+10:00

today i decided to be a complete bum
and so i skipped school (6 hours of class ... aaacck!)
and made myself a decadent lunch of tuna, ham & mushroom linguine!
the end :)

2006-05-23T00:29:00.000+10:00

i just baked apple pie and peanut butter croissants! happy :)
i love food so much it makes me excited just watching the pies browning in the oven.
i love it even more when i bake for others; it gives me immense satisfaction to know that others enjoy it and are blessed by it.

but i really dislike having to watch my diet.
i know i'm not fat, and i know that my current weight is ideal;
but the thought of putting on weight (even if it's just a little) disturbs me.
i haven't been exercising for a month now, which is bad-
because when i did i could pig out more often and now i have to stop myself from eating all my favourite (and sinful) pastries.

and the other day, i finished this HUGE cup of mango lassi.
it was like drinking 1 litre of condensed yoghurt.
i think i was ready to puke after i wolfed it down. ugh.
no more mango lassi for me for a very long time. haha!
i just had my supper of apple pie and chocolate mint ice cream.
what a fatty treat! ok i will go and run tomorrow (if its not too cold) or taebo.

ok this is quite a brainless post. forgive me for obsessing about my weight
i get really self-conscious sometimes.

2006-05-20T02:51:00.000+10:00

i believe in this thing called love.
not the "to me, you are perfect" kind of love.

more like "to me, you are imperfect but i will still love you".
the kind of love that transcends strife, pride, hurt and ugliness.
where it becomes painful to love sometimes,
but you still do anyway.

2006-05-17T16:36:00.000+10:00

seen on the toilet cubicle walls:

"Love is the greatest and most important thing of all"

"Where does love come from?"

"God! :)"

"Yeah God is great!!"

"If God is so great, what's he doing in a female toilet?"

"That's because He's everywhere"

and someone added "Do everything in love". it's from 1 Corinthians.
i think it sort of spoke to me. i love this verse!

2006-05-16T08:10:00.000+10:00

the other day my housemates were watching love actually on tv.

"to me you are perfect".
i think that is one of the sweetest things someone can say to another. but of course, words are just words unless you mean it, or if you have some action to prove it.

my heart never fails to melt at this scene. it is the one scene i replay over and over again, crying my eyes silly. then i realise that i'm not kiera knightley's character, and i wonder why i'm trying to live vicariously through her. i guess it's human nature: that strong intense desire to be loved and cared for, knowing that you are important to someone out there. i love this scene not just because it's merely sweet, but more so because i think it takes so, so, so much courage to subject oneself to vulnerability. and that kind of courage truly moves me.

i know it's not the same in reality. real relationships are not some idyllic love story with a fairy tale ending. they involve a certain amount of hardship and sometimes heartbreak and despair. a real life relationship is no joyride. but i like to be deluded once in a while, if you know what i mean.

2006-05-14T14:41:00.000+10:00

God is truly awesome!
He is always there-- listening, caring, loving and comforting.
what more could i ask for? :)

and yes, to my mother
HAPPY MUMS' DAYY
and i miss you so.

2006-05-13T20:37:00.000+10:00

yes, back from moe and life is good.
i feel like my studies are in disarray (as always);
but i know my life is sort of back on track, even with the stress.
i'm lovin' it.

it feels like falling in love all over again, somehow.

God gives me so many things to be thankful for;
and i am in awe.
Y

2006-05-10T13:54:00.000+10:00

hello!

i'm blogging live from Moe!
the pace of life is crazily slow here
and i miss everyone to death.
wait for me i'm coming back in 2 days!!

YYY

2006-05-01T01:46:00.000+10:00

oh dear! sudden flood of emotions.

it happened when i suddenly thought of the people dear to me,
and i miss them already :(

goodbye my dears [insert trail of teardrops]

2006-04-30T16:31:00.000+10:00

hello y'all!

just a quick update as i'm busy packing for my rural attachment.
i'll be in Moe (mow-ee) for the next 2 weeks, where i will get to bask in the company of a million cows and sheep in the middle of autumn (haha) and i heard the conditions there are like quite bad (ie. no heating :/) but even then, i really hope i'll make the most out of it!

don't know if i'll have internet access but i'll blog whenever i can! so stay tuned :)

a word of encouragement to those in distress: cast all your worries unto the Lord! remember that He is in control and He loves you dearly!

Y
el

2006-04-29T23:28:00.000+10:00

i cannot help but laugh, at
the fool that i am.

indeed i do the silliest things; even if
i am capable of higher thought processes.
the things i do when i lose myself in emotions
are laughable, yet so poignant.

it is evident that i have not learnt to fully depend on Him.
but i'm learning.

2006-04-29T16:04:00.000+10:00

Dear Eleanor,

You bumbling fool!
When will you ever learn?

God

2006-04-28T02:37:00.000+10:00

my mood is at an all time low.
and i need catharsis, hence this meaningless post.

and bryanboy is positively disgusting;
all i can say is, YUCK.

2006-04-28T00:04:00.000+10:00

argh i've got a massive breakout!
hate my skin.
:(

med2031 is getting really hectichectichectic.
the amount of work we have is close to obscene.
i'm so dreading the rural attachment come next week,
because it just means more assignments to hand up... GAH :/
sucks to hpkm and spc!

ergh i'm on a cortisol high
quick infuse me with serotonin i.v.

2006-04-27T13:38:00.000+10:00

"But something happened to you when you'd had lots of relationships, meaning lots of breakups as well. At first, it hurt terribly, and you thought you'd never be able to get over it. But then you learned to be circumspect. You were only hurt because the guy had taken away your dream of the relationship. You understood that hurt feelings were really only about ego, about the self-absorbed idea that every man you were with should love you, that the universe owed you that. But love was not an inalienable human right, and some women probably went their whole lives without ever having had any man who really loved them."

2006-04-25T13:08:00.000+10:00

today as the smell of meat from the barbeque in the park wafted towards my general direction, a wave of nausea overcame me.

i never thought i could detest meat. i mean, it's like 90% of my diet (i dislike veggies);
but today, i felt like it was the most disgusting thing on earth ever.
like it was obscene and grotesque and putrid.
i really thought i was going to throw up there and then.
i have never felt so sickened by food in ages.

think i'm going to avoid meat today. :/

2006-04-25T02:44:00.000+10:00

ergh i typed this long post and blogger just totally screwed up on me.
i can't really be bothered to type everything out again, so.. yeah.
anyway it's 240am and i only JUST started looking through my stuff.
well done eleanor.

oh yeah it was JACK'S birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACKO!
we sabotaged him with lots of flour, water, eggs and cocoa powder;
we could have just thrown him into the oven and baked him there and then, if you ask me. HAHA :)
forgive me. my baking obsession is really getting to me.

yeah and i'm addicted to my muesli. it has so many dried fruit and nuts.
i absolutely adore nuts. mmmyum. everyone eat muesli! good for health you know.

2006-04-23T11:10:00.000+10:00

ok, here's a funny story for you guys.
i had this intense desire to bake and then i chanced upon this choc chip cookie recipe, which looked fairly easy to execute.
so i decided it was cookies then.
and yeah, the crux of the story here is that i added baking powder instead of baking soda, and...

my cookies became mutant cake-like biscuits.
like you know, crunchy on the edges and cakey in the middle?

yeah, but i think it still tasted reasonably good. haha!
and i think i should start a blog documenting my baking misadventures.
i always seem to add wrong ingredients, or wrong proportions-
and then i end up with mutant creations like this or biscotti-like brownies. haha :)

ok going city soon for a mega shopping spreeee! yay i'm so excited! :)

2006-04-22T11:35:00.000+10:00

wahoooo exams are over!
i mean exam is over! either way, YAY!
now i finally feel like i can enjoy what's left of my truncated easter break.
anyway, i thought the exam was real hard! got screwed by it upsidedown, plus the coldcoldcoldness was messing with my brain.. so yeah. but by the Grace of God i don't think i stuffed it up too badly. after all, i didn't really put in effort that was deserving of a high distinction grade. but yes, God has been so kind to me! and i'm so thankful that the exam is now over. :) (shopshopshopping time wahooo)

ok peeks from Easter! :)
presenting my wonderful cellgroup, Yesha Boulevard!
girls.

and guys.

yesterday nick and i went for dinner at yokohama teppanyaki at glen. we had sashimi! yumyum :) then we watched inside man at knox.. which started off quite well, until it became a tad draggy and confusing. in the end, i didn't know what the point of the movie was. i just know i ate heaps of boysenberry icecream and popcorn. haha. anyhow, i don't really care, it was a good night spent with him. :)

2006-04-20T19:54:00.000+10:00

my God is awesome.

He opens my eyes and helps me put my problems into perspective;
instead of all the crying and wallowing, i can now toss my sadness away and reflect on how blessed i really am.

my God will love me for all times,
and His grace is all i will ever need.

2006-04-17T10:55:00.000+10:00

easter camp was awesome;
it was a real shame that i could not enjoy it properly though.
but yes, it impacted me in a huge way and made me reflect on my Christian walk and the meaning of Easter.

and so i have decided.
i will not be a child anymore.
i will be a woman, a beautiful daughter of God;
who will lift her head up high with grace and set her eyes ahead on Him,
who will endure all hardships, and be strong in the face of trouble.

i've learnt that the vacuum in my heart can only be filled by God, and not by man.
the mistake i made, was to put all my hopes and trust into one man.
yes, it has been a painful lesson, but it woke me up.
i've realised that God should be the focus of my life;
that he should be number one, and nothing less.
i need to be in tune with God, and in tune with myself first;
then i can be truly in tune and at peace with everyone and everything else.
i've learnt that loving someone is just not enough;
but even so, i will try my hardest to make things work.
i don't know if it will be worth it in the long run;
but what i do know is that i love you,
and that alone, is sufficent for me.

Jesus, lover of my soul
Jesus, I will never let You go

i love You, i need You;
though my world may fall
i'll never let You go

p.s. thanks sherlynn, you have helped me more than you thought you could. thanks for being a wonderful confidante, and a trusted friend who is not afraid to wake me up from my folly. :)

p.p.s. dear wonderful readers of my blog! i'm having an exam in a few days time, so i won't be blogging much. check back after 21st apr, and pray for me if you can! many thanks and much love Y

2006-04-14T22:51:00.000+10:00

back to the grinder.
hate it or love it one's gotta do what one's gotta do. :(

p.s. forgive the retarded action; people DO get bored in the library right? haha. :/

2006-04-14T18:25:00.000+10:00

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY SIPPYSIP!

have a fantabulousawesomewonderfulspankingrocksome day!
wish i were back to see you turn 21 though.
*sighs*
but i know you'll have the time of your life anyway, so take lots of pics to show me when return (prolly in june)!
much love XOXO Y

2006-04-14T17:51:00.000+10:00

if there is one thing i dislike, it's having to study for exams on a rainy afternoon.
you just feel the urge to give in to the security and warmth of the cosy quilts and just relax and snooze.
but yeah, exam. remember?
anyway siestas increase your risk of having a cardiac event by 20% (i dunno how true this is, but yeah, i'm trying to console myself here).

ok easter camp tmr and sunday!
hope it will be a blast! haha:)

2006-04-13T09:17:00.000+10:00

oh man. i nearly died laughing yesterday.
as usual, rupert never fails to crack me(and the entire class) up.
so yesterday, during tute, he tried to ask our tutor for her name.

"what's your name?"
"i'm hailey"
"yeah hailey, i--"
"i'm hailey"
"yeah hailey, well--"
"NONONO! my name IS AMELIE (uh-may-lee)"

and the whole class laughed for like, 5 minutes nonstop, and occassionally when rupert starting asking questions again. the end.

oh and i'm on holiday today, right till next thurs! wheeee
time alone with guyton, snell and kumar&clark...ickickick.
:(:(:(

2006-04-12T09:33:00.000+10:00

GAH. i missed my first 2 lectures. :(
this is why i should never stay up past my bedtime.

Easter camp's coming, i'm really quite excited!
Ps Eric Levi wrote us an email, and what he said really struck a chord:

"No matter how busy or chaotic it may seem, i'm sure you know that God is in control yeah? And dont forget to have lots of fun while you're at it. Make it memorable for yourself."

i suppose sometimes we just get so caught up in everything, we forget that God is there to help us. And we actually have a choice to love what we're doing, rather than hate it.

2006-04-12T01:50:00.000+10:00

could you do me a favour; like hit me on the head and yell at me to go and sleep?

i want to dream of luscious french tarts.

2006-04-11T22:11:00.000+10:00

wow. i was just looking at my blog tracker and i'm amazed.
my blog readership has jumped by nearly twofold. haha.
which means i should blog more and make you voyeurs happy, no? :)

today i had no school! which was really great, because i desperately needed to complete the essays for SPC. and yeah, at about 6pm today, i wrapped things up. i hate the vancouver citation system. it's so confusing. i don't understand why we can't just stick to the harvard one, i mean, isn't it like the standard one? what's the use of learning so many referencing formats? it's not as if i'm going to publish a paper, right? (ok if in the most unlikely circumstance, i do publish one, then yeah, go ahead and laugh at me. :P)

erm yeah. and i practically stayed in the kitchen to do my essay. my room is so cluttered, i can barely do my work cause i get so stressed looking at the huge piles of study guides sitting on the table. haha.

oh! thanks you people who prayed for me, if you did.
i found it-- my precious little thing i lost!
guess where?

in my laundry hamper. HAHA.
oh yeah. having a TV rocks (to borrow the expression from joan)
we watched survivor panama exile island and CSI.
my first time watching TV in like 21563months.
so yeah. ROCKS. :)

2006-04-11T01:20:00.000+10:00

to begin with, school today was awful with a capital A.
i missed a good lecture and reached school sleepy and sloppy.. ick. :/
pcl, as usual, was a complete waste of time (but today chapman was just being extra non sequiteur.) yeah. then i slept through my next two lectures (so much for a lecture on sleep deprivation) and didn't understand a word of anat. -_-
i think lack of sleep really messes you up completely. i don't want to be a walking zombie for 75% of the time like i was last year.

the best part was when hannah asked me to submit my part on SPC by thursday morn, and i was in distress. i told kr i hadn't even started on it yet. at least i borrowed like 5 books on it (which are like due pretty soon. yikes) so now i'm sitting in the kitchen trying to tap out essays on my laptop.

i baked brownies just now! we had them with connoiseur strawberry stravaganza ice cream and they were yummy! now i'm gelat. sitting in the kitchen is bad because i'm literally turning into a pig. i'm pigging out on chips, sultana bran crunch, brownies, biscuits and oh yes i also drank a cup of coffee. and its cold, so yeah. i'm just eating non-stop :(

nick is playing counterstrike and i wish i had free time too. but yeah, remind me again?-- exams.
buggery humbug.
ok back to chronic renal failure and pyschosocial consequences.

2006-04-10T01:01:00.000+10:00

i tried to study today. as usual, only semi productive, because grocery shopping takes up like half my day (if you add the waking up, dawdling around, getting ready to go buy groceries). grocery shopping is nice when you have the time. i loveee the baking section. i love looking at all the bakeware and funny types of baking equipment and flour and flavourings! gives me such excitement to dream about designing my own kitchen (well-stocked with baking goods) in like, 10 years time. for now i'm only a novice and i mainly bake for the love of it and so that i can give my housemates a sugar high! haha. :)

i got so tired of looking at my notes and my hand was dying from copying out notes (according to prash, its "manual photocopying" HAHA) so i decided to type them out. but i type slower than i write, so my progress is waaay slow. oh well.

anyways, i decided to go for easter camp! but only for 2 days instead of the full 4.5 days. it would be such a shame if i couldn't go because i'm on the committee and we spent ages planning for this. so yeah, i decided to go and see it through (semi)completion! and of course, the main reason is to have a proper Easter celebration and give thanks to God for His grace and blessings :) and also to spend nick's last easter camp with him. :/

ok. i lost something reallyreally important.
please pray that it's around the house and that i'll find it soon.
thanks, you guys :)
ok gotta hit the books now, toooodles/

2006-04-08T17:15:00.000+10:00

i feel the urgency.
easter camp, SPC (thanks to library books which cannot be renewed), HPKM, rural... and of course the midsem exam.
it's all coming, avalanche style.
and this is the part where i start becoming cranky and harassed.

things aren't the same anymore..!
which is sad, because i was so happy last year;
and now i hardly ever feel the same. :(